Salutations From The Lady of the Closet! 

Yes,  that is the inside of my over stuffed closet.  We have it filled up with so many things that sometimes I’m afraid it might bust!  

Hoard much? 

We just can’t seem to let go of anything we have stuffed inside! Three of us ladies fighting for space in the closet of doom. Stuff falling as we dig to find what we need.  

Clothing, books, crafting supplies and more fill up the space. We have it stacked,  hanged,  and tossed in there.  Every inch is like a dragon’s hoard.  Filled up with stuff we love,  think we love, and can’t seem to let go of. 

A heart of clutter. 

Just like the closet of doom our hearts can also become cluttered!  We forget to make room for those who are in our lives right now.  It doesn’t mean we toss out the old loves,  just reorganize them.  

You can’t focus on the people in your life right now while clinging to those who are gone. Sometimes we have to box up those left over emotions and store them away to be able to fill our space with new loves.  

It is OK to miss those you have lost.  It is not OK to be wrapped up in the missing. Letting memories hold your heart hostage causes you to stop living.  

Praying you can make room in your heart for those new people in your life.  Loving isn’t easy,  so I pray God softens your heart for you.  

~ Deedra 

Call Me Maybe

Sometimes we wonder what’s wrong with us.

I saw a question this week that made me pause.  Someone asked if we should feel ashamed for being emotional?  Should we be hard on ourselves for being a mess?  In my opinion no.  

Sometimes people make us feel like we should be sorry for being emotional or struggling with depression and anxiety. We really shouldn’t feel bad about it.  Everyone has moments of weakness!

Beautiful mess.

We sometimes forget that we are all beautiful messes!  There is no such thing as a perfect person. (Aside from Jesus Christ ). Each one of us have struggles.  That person telling you to stop being a mess is a mess too!  Just because they seem to be more together than you doesn’t make that true!  

We tend to be hard on others and most times we can’t even tell them what we are feeling.  We get tired,  hungry, sick and weak. We shut down and babble as well as crash and burn at this thing called life.  Stress does kill we know.  

Looking at me… 

It is hard when you are disabled to live with the things you can’t do.  I am forced to admit on a daily basis I need more help than I want!  

My Disability is physical but it takes its toll on me mentally too.  Those things I can’t do make me feel worthless sometimes!  That list of restrictions seems to rule me at times.  

No matter if your disability is physical or mental or both we all have that list of weaknesses that we have to deal with daily.  There is always a mountain we can’t climb.  

We have to find a way to focus on the mountains we can climb instead! This doesn’t mean we won’t fall apart on a daily basis.  It just means we are committed to facing the struggle!  

Climb the mountain and slide down the other side. 

How do we climb those mountains?  I’m clueless.  For me it is by the grace of God.  What does that look like?  Me being a mess and stumbling through life day by day finding I’ve gotten somewhere I didn’t know I could find.  

I’m the first to say don’t follow me!  I’m always lost,  a mess,  and either early or late. I think that is true for all of us,  but I admit sometimes I think it is just me.  

So if you’re feeling like you’re the only one who is a mess, remember I’m a mess too!  Sometimes we are so broken we can’t call on each other for help.  That’s when we need to call on God.  So call me maybe… Call God definitely!  

~ Deedra 

The sound of silence 

Sometimes we are alone. 

Someone once said to me that we will never find ourselves truly alone because there are too many people all around us for that.  That’s something to think of in and of itself.  

While we may be surrounded by those people at the same time we are very much alone. Inside our own minds. We all have a voice only we and God can hear. 

That alone feeling is not something we can escape.  Everyone can hear themselves thinking. Inside our heads we have our thoughts and feelings swirling about. The hardest part is giving someone else a glimpse of the inner you.  

Have you ever stood in a quiet place and listened to the silence? Why is it we find it peaceful when we are in a silent place but if we are surrounded by people the silence of their attention to us is frightening?  

Why do we equate that type of silence with the absence of love?

The feeling of being unwanted has gripped many of us.  We stand in the silence of the crowed feeling lost,  alone,  and unwanted.  We are crying inside for someone to love us, but when we look there are faces around us but none can hear the inner cry.  

We end up standing still in a sea of human silence slowly bleeding to death inside from an inner wound we can’t touch.  

Can you break through that silence? 

Try making eye contact and smiling. Look for the eyes that reflect the same inner struggle.  Know that all those around you are crying in their own silence.  You’re not the only one struggling to be heard.  

Praying for you to over come the sound of silence.  To find the one person who can hear your inner cry.  

~ Deedra Mosley  

Crazy Train Woot Woot

Inside the mind of a writer

Writers-memes-

I totally about lost it. My whole mind almost went. I admit that I loved doing a script and voice over for my dear friend Joey Collins, but he didn’t understand the mind of a writer. I almost cracked this time. I stopped eating and couldn’t sleep well. It was a flashback to when I took the job typing up a hand written song book, which I found out had one whole section of funeral songs. It felt like death was right there page by page. I know I was wide eyed and almost crazy then. When you start rapping Baptist funeral songs out loud to your kids… you need to get help! Well, I almost lost it again this past job. Love my friend and his story is great, but I have so many words in my head already. I almost snapped. He knows I am crazy he just didn’t realize how crazy till now.

I Don’t Do Normal

Most people can switch gears and just write what is given. I can’t do that. I have to create and craft and be wordy. I can’t turn off the inner story and transition to what is normal for everyone else. I am always taking in the tone of your voice, the look of your person, the nature of your character and the meaning of your name. I write passionately and insane like. I don’t just see the world I feel it. I can’t help it. It is just how I am wired. It makes me vulnerable to your pain and over compassionate as well as harsh and sometimes I scream go away at you.

What I wish people could understand is that I need to write. Sometimes I need to just be wordy and let out the inner thoughts. You can’t get between me and my focus. I will go crazy! If you can’t let me just word dump or handle me exploding oddities then don’t be my friend. I am always in write mode, even when hit with writers block! It is just a part of me. Even if I am just writing prayers in my prayer journal I find myself writing names with the need on the paper but in my head I am crafting prayers already for them. I see more than I am writing down!

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When You Can’t Get Your Brain To Hush

Sometimes you just need to write words and more words. You got thousands of worlds inside your mind and a thousand topics you feel passionate about and you need to let them out! This blog post is the product of me being bottled up during the documentary. I sounded off crazy like to my Best Friend, Samantha Branham, AKA Author Anne Belle, already and I admit I went crazy on poor Joey. Let’s just say he knows me really well now! I just wanted to run off and go crazy writing. I have poems inside my head, five serious topics, four or five books and my Bible study answers in my head along with the dialogue with myself that only God and I can hear! That is a lot of words! I want to write all the things! All them all at once! I am like a cat being baptized in water while high on cat nip! Write it! Write it all!

Sometimes people get confused and think because someone writes they are a writer. If you can write a regular paper or do regular office writing good for you! That is wonderful, but that doesn’t make you a writer, writer. When you are a writer you see the world differently and your thoughts on it look like shapes forming in your mind. You can read something and see it, feel it, and experience it! You are not able to stop the visual story from forming. You also have the need to put the words in that others leave out! You can’t do simple writing. You get crazy if you are told you have to only write what you are told! You have a hunger to express yourself. To take what you are given and make it beyond what it is. To make your reader feel the story! You can’t leave out the words that shape the full picture you see in your mind! You get wordy, pushy, you have a need to ask questions. You want to touch the object you are writing about too.

I remember being on Field Studies with the Piarist High School when I was a teenager and we went into these old mansions to tour. The signs that said do not touch drove me mad! I looked and seen the beautiful things and I felt the need to touch them! That made writing up the nightly report on it so hard! How do you survive when you can’t touch something and have to write about it! I hated those trips! I could write something blah but I had a desire to add more to it, but I couldn’t touch the items I wrote about so there was nothing else to write! Inside my mind there was questions that would never be answered! I hated it! What if I want to write that beautiful chair into my story? I need to know what it feels like and what is on the bottom of it! Yes, that is what writers who are writer, writers do. We can’t not touch nor ask those questions.

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Why I Love NaNoWriMo

I am so glad I found NanNoWriMo! I love how you have a goal of 50,000 words to hit and a month to do it in! What I love most is it can be brain vomit words and you can go back later and fix your story. You write words sometimes during it just to be writing words! You just let yourself pour them out! If you are like me and a hardcore writer who needs to be wordy it is for you! You will find that the process of just letting out the story feels great!

There is never a good time to live… or to write! There is also no good time to die. My fear is that my stories will stay with me and die with me. I can’t leave them unwritten! I realized this past week why so many writers are alone in life. It is because we can’t stop being weird. We have to live out our story boards so to speak. Those ideas inside us need to get out to the public. People think we are crazy, strange, fixated, or stupid even. We are just creative and need to create. You can’t force conformity on us and think we will do well. You can’t see the stories, but we can!

So this post is to let out the crazy and to let those who are like me and have a passionate need to just write it all know you are not alone! Jump on this crazy train it is pulling out of the station! Woot! Woot!

If you want to see the documentary I helped with go to YouTube and look up High Voltage Archery Joey Collins 20th Anniversary video. Make sure you like it and share it.

Stay wordy my mental writing buddies! Get your write on!

Deedra Mosley

Slaying Your Jabberwocky 

Where do you start?  

I asked my friends to weight in on this. I feel that it is very personal and hard to answer this question.  The answers I got were all very different. Unique to the struggle of each person.  

My best friend, Samantha Branham aka Author Anne Belle,  answered simply. She said,  you start by admitting you need help. That’s definitely the first step.  If we can’t admit we have a problem then we can’t face it!  

Another of my dear friends and fellow authors,  Virginia Jolly gave me a very touching and wise answer: 
For me it all comes back to listening without comment or solution or bias. Listening only to hear and take in the person’s words. Being there. 

I’m bipolar, and when I’m in crisis, many times I just need someone to be there. And it’s taught me that others are the same: they want someone to be there and listen to them, validate them, and allow them to be. 
Validating language is a good thing to cultivate. Helping them to express themselves rather than “I know how you feel.” no you don’t, and they don’t care. 
If you do say something and they cut you off with more talking, shut up and continue to listen. 

Don’t “talk people down” out  of crisis. Listen to them down out of crisis. 

This is what I’ve learned over many years. And I learned a lot from my peers in support groups. 


You can also say I’m bipolar. I have no fear of this anymore. I’m here to fight the stigma. -Virginia Jolly

In my own life I found it starts with putting into words my emotions and understanding the question of why.  Why am I saying these things to myself?  Why am I feeling these emotions?  Until I have faced the Jabberwocky head on I can’t find the words to ask for help.  I need to see my problem first. If you can’t articulate what’s wrong then you can’t ask for help.  You must be able to explain you need help to your core team.  Those you know are there for you!  Find your voice and build yourself a team to help you fight!  Don’t go it alone!  

This past week I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know Joey Collins better.  He went through a horrific tragedy which cost him his arm.  I will include a link to the documentary we did for his 20th anniversary.  

I found his story very touching.  He is one of the dearest men I know!  To have suffered so much and faced so many challenges he has a wonderful attitude!  He is not bitter nor has he let the pain and loss cripple him!  

I learned he faced his struggles head on and committed himself to touching the lives of those around him.  Where he started was to except what is and then look forward to what can be.  I am sharing his story here because it truly is one of overcoming. He has slain his Jabberwocky! 

 The link to the documentary : Joey Collins Shocking Life

Praying you find strength and inspiration from this post.  

Deedra Mosley 

Facing Your Jabberwocky 

I’ve been putting off writing this post.  So what do you do to make money when your depressed, anxiety attack riddled, and struggling? 

I’m a mess. I trip, fall, cry for no reason, panic, feel alone in a full room, miss my Dad, can’t open yogart without it exploding…  But I am also successful in my own way. So when someone reached out to me and asked how do I make money while I fight against depression and anxiety. I’m going to answer it!

 What good is being a writer if I don’t write people back? It’s blog time. I’m wide awake and need something to help me work up a tired. Here we go! Alice facing the Jabberwocky time!


I got asked what we can do from home to make money. It is hard for some of us (I call it peopling) to go out into the over stimulation of a normal job. I thought I’d share a few ideas which can be a good outlet and might help you make a bit of money from home. 

Crafts(crochet,knit, Sewing), artwork, writing(poems, obituaries,books,scripts) and proofread of papers, voice acting (would require a sound setup investment and some education on it), and shelf stable baked items that can be mailed. If you have a hobby that helps you stay sane don’t be afraid to look into turning it into a business. I avoid network marketing most of it is costly and overwhelming. It does work for some of my friends but they are more out going than I am.

 It’s  hard regardless of what you choose to try. You won’t make millions and sometimes won’t make enough to live on, but for some this gives them extra money they didn’t have.

 When I self published my first book of poems I shook uncontrollably, hyperventilated, cried and kept hearing in my head people will not read it, they will hate it, your stupid, why are you doing this, and more … I sat for over 4 hours going around and around looking at the upload and publish button… Suddenly I hit it.

 Has it made me rich? No. Have sold a few? Yeah. What was the best part of it all? Holding my book in my hands. It was shocking how good it felt! I still can’t believe I did it! Nobody can take away that feeling from you. Holding something you made in your hands is magical! 

 Yeah every time you will do the same panic, doubt, crazy, and have to work your way up to doing it. It’s worth it!  I recently had someone I had just met say they were proud of me. Just a lady I met at my kids school function. I can’t tell you how wonderful it felt!  It’s those strange small moments that make me feel encouraged and I’m suddenly I’m  like in your face beast of depression and monster of anxiety I’ve got this life going on! 

I remember finding my Dad after he killed himself. The beast ate him. It won’t eat me. I will live to avenge him! It won’t eat me! You have to slay it every day. You have to believe you are strong enough. It won’t be able to eat you if you don’t let it! 

I will never forget feeling so helpless and small looking at my father’s lifeless body. It ate him and he is gone but I still need him. People need me and can’t let it eat me too. I won’t leave them like he left me. 

Whatever you decide to try to do today don’t let that monster scare you away from following through! You’re not alone and you can overcome​ it! Love all of you and may you slay your jabberwocky! 

Deedra Mosley

The Price Of Peace

Matthew 5:9 KJV

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

 

The Mission Field Called life

We often find ourselves to be tempted to bemoan our mission field. We forget that there are places where bombs go off, and people die. Hard places where sharing the love of God is dangerous. It is in our moments of forgetfulness we tend to push our calling away.

I have seen so many times people being wrote off as too unreachable and too hard to love. There is no such thing with God. That is like saying the water is too deep and too wet to walk on! If we keep our eyes on Christ he will lead us across the water and walking on it won’t be a problem!

We must remember that our hearts need to be soft and we need to be focused on God and his person in order to be effective in our ministry. We can’t say I love God and show no love to those he has placed around us.  Jesus never ignored the needs around him. He knew already each heart and was ready to draw out from them the truth of their need.

Our Blind Eyes

You and I have a way of only being able to see what we want. That is a problem when we are asking God to help us! How can God help us when we are blind to our own need? We need to do some self examining and take a good look at where our hurt is coming from. When we understand our own pain then we can help another.

We can’t turn away from someone and push them away then expect God to bless us. Even when it is hard we still have to find a way to show God’s love. Sometimes the best way is submission.

Pruning my heart hurts me god…

We sometimes need to be pruned and have God pull off dead branches of bitterness from us. I love picking on myself because when I use me as an example I am the only one who can be upset over it! So here we go, I am going to tell you a little story of how God grows us and our churches.

I am a Sunday School Teacher and I have a room, a very much in need of some updating room. I have a great plan for it and yes I actually could go to the board today even and show visuals and so on and get approved to move forward with the project. I even have another church willing to send money to help me with it! Why don’t I do it? This is the painful part where I have to share my mission and the big picture God has shown me.

In my church we have both strong and weak children of God. Some of us run to God and cling and some run to what is and has been safe and normal for them to hide. While we all love God, not all of us know how to hide our fears only in him. There is comfort in a building and memories it brings of security.

Godly Blankets for hurting souls

So when I first set out to do what is best for my Sunday School Class (which God has no longer provided by the way) I had no idea he was going to say shift gears. Some of the adults are clinging to what was because they haven’t learned yet to cling to God. They need that same old same old because it helps them feel safe and secure.

I prayed for God to help them see he is what matters. Till they can let go of the familiar safe place they see when we come to church every week and hold to just Jesus my room will have to keep. Broken baseboards and out dated murals pale in comparison to broken hearts and fearful tomorrows. Painting is easy but uplifting souls is much harder.

They need to see me cling to Jesus. They need to hear me speak about hard things and ask prayer. I have to mirror the faith I want to see in them. Painting and cleaning is easy when it is a room you are working on. The changing of hearts is a lot harder. I have a strong desire to grow our children’s ministry, but the children God sends me are not always young! Sometimes I am the babe needing fed and sometimes I am the one called to feed the babe.

Change is hard

Some people need the familiar to feel safe. Changes are not easy for them because they have internal issues that are haunting them. You can’t always see abuse, neglect, pain, fear, and insecurity. Everyone holds inside them a spiritual person. They have a soul we can’t see. In order to understand their soul we need to look at our own first. That is why sometimes you can’t make changes that you are ready for till the others are ready too.

Are there things that I have had to let go of? Yes, I had to let go of childhood memories and some places I felt safe and that had memories of people I love that have died. I know how that felt. I had no control over those changes, but how about what I have control over. Have I let go of something that I feel safe and comfortable with?

I have this blanket I love so much. It is falling to pieces really and getting not so nice looking. It comforts me. I was given it when I came back here to live with my mom. It is safe and I have had it on my bed since I got it. I don’t want to let it go. I am making me a knew blanket right now. When I get it done it will hurt to take the old beloved one off and replace it. I will do it anyway. This helped me understand why the few people who are against the small changes in our church are having such a hard time letting go. It is their blanket of safety. Something that they love that makes them feel worth while and safe.

A thing called compassion

We sometimes listen to what people say but we don’t hear the why behind it. It isn’t till we reflect on the internal of the person that we fully hear them. If we have no compassion for them then we can’t touch their hearts. Compassion calls for us to see them as weak and understand their personal struggles. You have to be able to put your own struggles into perspective before you can help them see theirs.

Are you compassionate? Can you face your struggles and say how can I help someone by being kind and understanding? We are quick to judge others and slow to reach out to them. I am happy to say I am making peace with some of those who can’t let go of the room I really need to fix up. It is a good sign that God will grow our church when you can put the physical aside and work on the spiritual. If it is a safe place that they need to run to then God let me become what they need and replace the walls, decorations, and worldly building! Let them come to me! Being alone with my blanket and comforting myself with it is not enough and neither is their being alone with a building and comforting themselves with memories. We need each other!

So, my prayer for us all is that we let God heal our hearts and use us to heal the hearts of others! May we be peacemakers!

Yours In Christ Jesus,

Deedra Mosley