It is July and time for my Mom & My birthdays. This month is also the anniversary month of my father’s suicide. I started to write last night on a book I want to publish about losing him and how it affected me. I thought I would share what I wrote with you. For those of you who are fighting depression, please don’t give up! For those of us who have lost a loved one to it… you are not alone.
The Other Side of Darkness
By: Deedra Mosley (Copyright 2017)
Daddies never die, they live forever…
When you’re young, you believe lies and swallow them down like bubble gum that’s still sweet. The world turns slowly and burns around you. You are everything and nothing at all. You catch fireflies in a jar and turn them loose a moment later just to see the lights in the darkness.
In the backwoods of the mountains of Eastern Kentucky, the breeze blows the trees as time becomes irrelevant. You are young sitting on a propane tank looking past the sea of green trees. You dream of the world far beyond those trees and long to run away.
No one ever tells you that once you leave, you can never come back, because time marches you beyond the sweet bliss of that youthful longing to a place you can’t escape.
You grow up and grow old, and those fanciful dreams become today’s burning memories. Those longings feel so bittersweet because as reality hits the lies of youth wilts away.
Here I am today looking back at the girl I used to be. I was the one on the propane tank living dangerously swinging my legs tapping my heels on a powder keg. I was the star-eyed dreamer trying to part the lush green trees and peep into the beyond. I was the one who clung to the lies. Home can be returned to, and daddies never die.
I was thirteen when the breeze was so sweet. The years went so slow, and suddenly I became sweet sixteen. Time mocked me and I counted every moment till eighteen. I said I would go find the world beyond those trees and come right back.
Eighteen and I counted the minutes till senior year. I had my dress picked out for prom and was desperate to drive but terrified of it too. I still believed those lies from my time sitting on the propane tank in our yard. Singing along with a mixed tape and pretending to be miles away and that coming home was a real thing. Daddies never die. Home is always there. What is fear and why should I have it?
I wish I didn’t know.